Lunch Is Where the Real Answers Are

Originally written in Traditional Chinese: 午餐兩小時，我只問了兩個問題：會議裡有規則，會議外面才有真話

At lunch in Tokyo, I asked every Japanese colleague I knew the same two questions.

On the first morning of my Minerva Immersion Week in Tokyo, our cohort had a workshop on cross-cultural communication in Japanese business. Lunch lasted two hours. Many people treat lunch as a break. I treated it as a second class.

My two questions:

Which part of this morning resonated with you most?
If you could add one piece of advice for foreigners who want to communicate well with Japanese people, what would it be?

Before asking, I said: "I am definitely not criticizing." The morning had taught me that criticism carries real weight in Japan.

Five people, five answers. A former pharma director added nemawashi: not only with your boss, but 360 degrees, up, down and sideways. Say little in the meeting, communicate a lot outside it. A colleague in education said honne, the real view, comes only after you connect like friends; a lunch or a small table works, and karaoke is actually a poor place to talk business because everyone is singing. A colleague raised in Japan added preparation: learn the other company's history, market and assumptions. Another said that in Japan, no questions after a talk means you explained it well, and if you must ask, open with respect first. The last, half Japanese and half Italian, said: "Drink." The first one is always beer.

Put together, the five answers did not match the morning. The morning taught the rules inside the meeting. Lunch taught what happens outside it. And what I was doing at lunch was exactly what they described.

One colleague told me something I loved: "My AI told me my sample itself is biased, because the Japanese you meet at Minerva are not traditional Japanese." You only hear that kind of sentence at Minerva.

I also said at lunch: "I would never pretend I'm Japanese. I'm not. I just want my Japanese friends to feel comfortable." Learning a culture is not becoming it.

Try this after your next talk or meeting. Find someone with a different background and ask: "Which part resonated with you most?" and "What would you add?" Ask what they agree with first. Nobody has to criticize, and the real view still comes out.

This is why I chose Minerva. The MDA brings a global cohort to the same lunch table during Immersion Weeks, and World Wise classmates in Tokyo joined us that day. Application links for both programs are in the first comment.

Lunch Is Where the Real Answers Are

References

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